I was slaughtering the Golden Goose!
Gifts Are Not Easy, Especially at First
I don’t believe that being gifted makes life easier, at least not initially. In fact, it is what we struggle with first! Every gift comes with its own set of challenges. Understanding these challenges is how we truly unlock the opportunities our gifts offer.
The Burden of Seeing Potential
For example, let's imagine having the ability to see the potential in everyone and everything. When I say this, I mean being able to foresee possibilities that are not yet realized—money, health, achievements, success. At first glance, this might seem like a fortunate gift (like a fortune teller who can see the best possible outcomes), but it comes with its burdens. Seeing the potential (achieved success) in systems, ideas, and people is indeed a gift. Yet, it also presents unique challenges, especially for someone like me who tends to see the world through an empathetic lens.
The Dangers of Overlooking Reality
Imagine being an empath who sees someone's potential with the innocence of a child and infinite sensitivity, yet is unaware of the complexities of choice—both mine and theirs. The danger lies in wanting to see ONLY the potential and ignoring the parts that are detrimental to peace, safety, and happiness.
Personal development lessons in Boundaries and Self-Worth
I've learned that some people are growth lessons, while others are growth partners. This distinction is crucial, but it took me a long time to understand. I struggled with boundaries, people-pleasing, and staying in relationships far past their expiration dates. I prioritized others' potential over their present choices of who they were choosing to be in that moment. In doing so, I often betrayed myself by ignoring what wasn't helpful to my own life.
This pattern of behavior was unhelpful to both them and me. My relationships reflected my low self-esteem and self-worth. My gift wasn't serving me; it was hurting me. I had to prioritize my self-worth, set boundaries, and recognize that people-pleasing is a form of fawning—a trauma response and, quite frankly, a form of manipulation.
The Humble Pie of Personal Growth
This required me to eat a ton of humble pie. It involved deep work, time, and a lot of compassion for myself, which eventually led to compassion for others—albeit with boundaries. The hardest lesson was learning to say “no, thank you” without justification. This helped me discern what was helpful and what was not for me and my life.
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Balancing the Gift and the Challenge
The gift of seeing someone's potential, combined with the challenges I needed to work through, has now become a crucial part of my mission to help people. Supporting others to realize their greatness without betraying myself in the process is a balance I now enjoy in life. This is how I find my work fulfilling—a symbiotic platform that serves both others and myself.
Filling My Cup Through Helping Others (Ikigai with personal development coaching)
I help people find their Ikigai with personal development coaching by guiding them to see their potential, supporting them with non-judgment and compassion as they stumble and grow. This is because of the life experiences I’ve chosen to see as blessings and support for my human journey. Unleashing someone’s unique power is hard work, especially when you sacrifice yourself in the process. Now, having leaned into my "sticky bits" and continuing to do my own work, helping others reach their potential actually fills my cup and lights me up.
The Joy of Potential Unleashing
This is the impact I’ve longed for my whole life: potential unleashing. Expansion, expansion, expansion. I just had to learn to do it without sacrificing myself in the process—kinda like not killing the goose that lays the golden eggs. Recognizing that I am a people-pleaser in recovery (and probably always will be) helps me bring my own gifts to the world with balance and discernment. This is how I honor the paradox of life: gift and challenge—two sides of the same coin. It takes daily practice of presence and conscious decision-making.
Turning Annoyances into Strengths
The aspects of yourself that you are most annoyed with are usually the key to your gifts. This realization was pivotal for me. I once saw my empathy and people-pleasing as weaknesses as I allowed myself to be exploited by these qualities, but I now understand them as integral parts of my strength. They are the driving forces behind my ability to connect deeply with others and help them see and achieve their potential.
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The Importance of Balance and Boundaries
However, this strength must be wielded with care. It's about finding that delicate balance between helping others and honoring yourself. It's about recognizing that sometimes, the best way to help someone is to let them go. It's about understanding that you can't save anyone if they aren't going to save themselves. Your worth isn't tied to the success or failure of others.
Learning to Love and Value Myself
For me, this journey has been about learning to love and value myself as much as I do others. It's about setting boundaries that protect my well-being and recognizing that saying "no" isn't selfish—it's necessary. It's about accepting that my gift of seeing potential is just that—a gift, not a burden.
Embracing Challenges and Finding Fulfillment
In embracing this, I've found a sense of peace and fulfillment that I once thought was out of reach. I've learned that true empathy involves both compassion for others and compassion for myself. And most importantly, I've learned that the most significant growth often comes from the most challenging lessons.
Conclusion: Embrace Your Gifts and Challenges
So, to anyone else who feels burdened by their gifts, know this: your challenges are not a sign of weakness. They are the stepping stones to unlocking your true potential. Embrace them, learn from them, and let them guide you towards a life that honors both your gifts, your well-being, and ultimately your own personal human journey.
In the end, being gifted doesn't make life easier, but it does make it richer, more meaningful, and profoundly impactful. And that, I believe, is a gift worth cherishing.
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